Dear reader,
This beginning chapter of my 20s is called the 6 line (it’s not his real name but if you ever rode the local 6 line in NYC you’d know). You see I started my newly found 20-year-old life on dating apps.
I remember I started with Hinge. I had fun starting on Hinge, talking to this Spiderman loving guy. Some might remember him as my first love. He was interesting, conversational, cute, and a medical resident!
I remember it being around Halloween night, he was so honest to tell me he wasn’t into me which naïve 20-year-old me was okay with. But because of him and his honesty, I thought many guys on dating apps would be so forward about not being interested in me and would be just as interesting as Mr. Spiderman was.
But boy was I WRONG!!!! After accepting and sending likes and talking with other men, I fell upon the 6 line who was in my likes. I accepted it because why not? I was new to dating and I wanted to try everything.
My upbringing
In his profile, this man said he was 5’9 ALLEGEDLY!!! The words to describe his looks… it was always, he’s okay looking. I didn’t really find him attractive which you might say well why’d you still talk to him?
Dude I was 20 and wanted attention and was so excited that I was talking to the opposite gender in hopes of achieving my first relationship.
In high school, I was just the tall girl who participated in class, got good grades, quiet at first but once I’m comfortable you’d wish I would shut up, so I never got to talk to other guys so talking to them online was exciting.
Also, I must add that my mom refused to let me outside, so no parties for me, and no hanging out with friends. Haitian parents have a three L rule: Lekol (school), Leglis (church), and Lakay (home) so you see why this world felt new to me.
Our Conversations
Our conversations looking back were truly me leading the conversations asking him about himself, what he’s into, and his occupation. He would only contribute to our conversation by asking me if I ate and how was my day.
At the beginning of dating, I hated pet names and truly still do. Within just a week of talking to me, this man was calling me cutie and the most egregious cute pet names that were supposed to make me swoon and giggle.
It was quite the opposite, it was ick central for me because I hated babe, cutie, and any of the things that went into romance but let it slide after a month when it came to him. It was truly an ick until it wasn’t. In retrospect, this man was probably trying to love-bomb me so that I can fall for the okie doke but I wasn’t into it however I wanted to give it a shot.
The Big Question
One day I asked him, is he still into me? Because he hasn’t asked me on a date, especially being that he wrote on his profile he doesn’t want to play games when dating. When I asked if he was still into me and stated why I felt he wasn’t, he said yes he was into me and then he asked me on a date.
The day of the date he planned, he went ghost. Meaning he didn’t text me at all that day and was silent. 20-year-old me was not seeing this as a red flag. I chose to be blind and give him the benefit of the doubt but was aware of what was happening.
Well sort of. I was like no way is he trying to avoid our date and go ghost on me like he was Danny Phantom. Right? Like he definitely is having a rough day or something. So I asked him are we still on? And he said no something came up.
He’d then reschedule and plan another one but pulled the same act. I still talked to him after his no-show dates and this probably went on a bit for more than a month.
However, I got annoyed one day and decided that I’ll take the initiative to plan the date. I was thinking maybe he feels scared to meet me one-on-one so I introduced the idea of a group date with one of my friends.
Guys, why this man said I’ve never heard of meeting someone in a group on a first date and that he’d like to get to know his person one on one rather than with people he doesn’t know. Like sir, you didn’t want to meet me one-on-one so what are you going on about? You might be asking yourself:
“Was that your last time talking?”
Nope, I still talked to this boy guys. We Facetimed nightly for 6 months. Within those 6 months, I found myself getting agitated daily. I brought up topics of politics within month 3 because I was like wow we’re still talking! How awesome 🙂I wanted to see how he thinks and whether he’s deeply stimulating.
Gosh, I wish I would’ve left after his first ghosting. First off, he is a female sayer, meaning he would say females instead of women whenever speaking about women. I actually really hated that and said that’s not okay. I typed multiple paragraphs to this man about why using female as a term is not okay.
My friend and I bussed our asses in google docs to try to get our point across. In the end, it didn’t work. He used female but it became less after our conversations because we came to an agreement that he can use it for others just not me. Besides using females, he was fatphobic. (facepalm). There were many moments of slight fatphobia.
SIDE EYE!😒
We snapped on Snapchat on top of convos with each other, (sigh guys) I’d send pics to be cute and once I sent a pic with my thighs. This is where I have to hide in shame!!!! (judgment-free zone guys remember this is a judgment-free zone!!)
This boy told me that’s unhealthy. He told me my thighs were unhealthy. Honestly thinking back this was around month one or maybe month two but I simply unseen that because again I was naïve and just didn’t want to believe a man was saying something about my thighs after my profile showed I was plus size.
I would like to add that he worked at a gym and took two hours to work out 🤔. Truly never quite understood that. I believe when we once talked about him working out within month 2 or 3 now he told me I should be doing the same. Younger me became defensive and said well first of all I can’t because I got injured from a working out experience which was the truth.
My 20s unfortunately for me did start off with me “tearing my meniscus” allegedly which flash forward a year later turned out I had a herniated disc and arthritis which still affect me today as I go through chronic pain.
I stood up for myself but it did pain me that he would say those things. On top of that, he called me fatass one day. LMAO, I don’t know why or when but I know me and my friend was named by him as some girl and fatass. I promise it was during our last month of talking to each other. My logic for staying was ‘I can say I have an almost man you know’. I can say I have experience. That was what younger me was thinking.
She was valid to think that but I now will absolutely not stay with a guy who fat-shames me and makes my body seem like shit.
My Growing Anger
Because of my growing anger and me keeping these bad experiences to myself because I didn’t want my best friend and my friends to know I’m with someone so stupid and horrible to me, I decided to see other people. Also, my friend (some girl as he referred to her) reminded me that I am in fact single and it’s okay for me to see other people since I had some guilt about talking to other men. I went on OKCupid and Bumble. OKCupid did not last long because I was so confused there and it seemed like people my father’s age were there. But Bumble?!
That was my girl! I was there swiping non stop talking to the men that my friend and I swiped on. I was also talking to someone who liked me from high school who you will learn about in an upcoming chapter who is just as bad as the 6 line.
With no dates in mind, he was just conversations that ended up in paragraphs because I really found this man to be dumb as shit and I can’t stand a dumb man, especially a college-educated man.
So after experiencing other men I said no way this man is staying longer than he already has. Mind you guys, I was fed up the moment after my friend’s bday in December where I may have knowingly tried spicing things up by sexting which he sucked at it guys, and told him I liked him (which was false, that man gave me the ick). The sexting was truly awful he talked about making love on the couch I said I was on and all this nonsense.
Like Sir we have never met, why are you saying making love during something that’s meant to be naughty. So he (me really) finally planned a movie date after planning fake dates that would have him under the guise that something would go down between us.
In the process of finally planning this movie date, I gave him an “I am a virgincita” paragraph and I won’t actually be giving him anything until we’ve had three dates ( have some decorum 20-year-old Marie-Anne!).
The reason for this paragraph was we were going to have an Airbnb picnic date instead but luckily went with the movie. God’s timing for real! 🙏
See the next post to see how the date went
Sincerely,
Marie-Anne
