Dear readers, 

Welcome back! We already know about the 6 line, but now we must unpack the men I talked to on Bumble and the guy from high school I spoke to while seeing the 6 line.

I call these men my intermissions because they didn’t last long to suck the life out of me, and they were such great entertainment for my plot. 

So many of the guys I talked to on Bumble were interesting, to say the least. But my favorite was the Chris’s. I met so many Chris’s I forgot which Chris did what and liked what. 

The Chris

One Chris from Staten Island wanted to get into my knickers, and I would have let him easily. He was funny, unserious, and looking for a quick hit-and-run, and I was definitely into that. One thing a funny man can do is get into my knickers.

Might I add I used to have a thing for bad boys 😉😉

There’s this saying if he can make me giggle, he can make my ass jiggle. I firmly live by this saying. 

Chris wasn’t into school the way I was. I was in my third year of college, taking life seriously but not Chris. One day Chris and I were on video call for the first time, and his voice was deep, his hair a mess, and possibly high. 

He complimented me, and we planned a day to link. Why did I tell this man when I was home alone, and we got spicy on the phone. I was so nervous because he was earnest about it. Did that teach me a lesson about playing with horny men? 

Nope, and so I ghosted Chris despite loving his chillness. I also got ghosted by this other Chris after we played iMessage games, and they asked me for money as a joke once, which I nicely said no to. Sadly enough, I chased after him for another round of matches. 

Realization; Their Sexualizations

My time during this was just being sexually wanted and sexualizing myself because let’s unpack this. I sexualized myself because that got me seen and wanted through this experience and what I felt I deserved. 

Being plus-sized and tall, in my experience, men placed me already into what I like to call “the experiment box,” where they just want to say they’ve had sex with a tall girl or plus-size girl to up their body count.

They never want to go beyond a quick fuck, nor do they ever want to get to know you beyond the bed,and I fed into that sexualization. 

Also, being a virgin, I felt like sex was something I had to check off. That would make me normal, you know, or so I thought. 

My friend wanted it, and everyone enjoyed it, so I felt I had to get it. But indeed, in reality, though, I don’t care for sex, and what I really wanted was love. 

To feel what it feels like for once, to get that slow burn that romance movies talked about. But with dating apps and horny men these days, being tall and plus-sized, I didn’t receive that, so I settled for what was in, which was hookups and sex talk. 

A Glass of Virgincita Please

The men were into the whole I’m a virgin thing and had no experience, especially this older man I added on Snapchat.

It was weird because he only got excited about having to teach poor innocent and inexperienced me, but I let our conversations happen however I went ghost a little later because ew. 

There were other men from Hinge, with many convos starting, but none led to anything. However sucky they were, they were still giving me validation and attention. 

Now let’s talk about my high school “friend.” We call this old acquaintance Mr. Peepee head because his last name sounded much like a tinkle. 

History of Ole Pee Pee Head

So, here’s some history of this person and me. Since freshman year of high school, he hit on me, and I would laugh it off and swerve because he had a girlfriend during that time, which I reminded him about. 

Every school year, he had a girlfriend at his side, and I respected it, and when he didn’t, we’d flirt and talk basketball. 

I would like to add that; unfortunately, I was a pick-me girl in high school and my youngin days. Internalized misogyny honestly is the one to blame for that. 

However, I didn’t watch basketball for the acceptance of men; I watched basketball because my household is a basketball and soccer household, and I love how sexy basketball men are. I watch basketball for men rather than the acceptance of men. 

So I would discuss basketball and my height with him. It went on like this all four years, flirting, basketball, height teasing, and cheering him on with any girl he had. One of his ex-girlfriends ended up being my friend! 

Chance Given: Sorta

Flash forward to my third year of college, we were in a group chat with a former friend, and he flirted with me while in the group chat.

I was hesitant to act on whatever we’d been doing, which I told him and my friend because I knew his ex-girlfriend was my friend. 

At some point, he tried to bash her character, and I had to tell him, um, no, that’s my friend; I didn’t care for whatever he had to say about her. But my friend essentially said to try it out.

 I gave the guy who always wanted me a chance.

WHEN I SAY NEVER EVER GIVE THE GUY WHO ALWAYS WANTED YOU A CHANCE, NEVER GIVE THE GUY WHO WANTED YOU A CHANCE!!!! 

Here is the story of why. 

They ( my friend and him) tried having me hang out with them in the group chat. I was always busy with work, and I was still the flaky friend from high school who still wasn’t being let out by my parents. 

I was struggling with money, too, so it was hard being able to hang out with me. He would say things like I’d pay for our outings only for you and try to say he would do such and such for me. 

The Chance In Question:

On the side, he would tell me how he’s felt for me for a long time and got sexual with me every time.

He sexted me about everything he’d do to me and me, and my close friend ( remember, some girl, ehehe) was laughing on the phone with me about everything he was texting. 

They thought I was feeling our messages, but I wasn’t! He got cocky and said you know you’re feeling this. Like, sir, get a grip. I was on the phone with my friend the whole time, weak from what was happening between us. 

When we first tried dating, he told me he didn’t really date black girls and mainly went for white girls.

What’s funny is two of his exes were black, so this was such a red flag for me for him to release such information to me. 

Mr. PeePee Head’s Failing Idea of Me

Then he would be vulnerable about his home life and mental health, which I tried helping him and suggesting resources for him.

I even suggested maybe he had one of the disorders I’ve learned about in psych and asked if he’d want to check it out with someone. 

I would try to maintain the friendship stance and not dive more into the sexual romantic tension we had all these years.

In his mind, he had me as this sexually advanced girl; meanwhile, I was just a virgin with an overactive imagination and knowledge strictly from young adult romance novels. 

He told me he burst into this photo I posted on my story. I did tell him I didn’t like sexual things and wouldn’t have us try anything. 

Now again, thinking back and based on my brain, this was also traumatic. I can’t remember what happened after these encounters, but I will say I ended things that didn’t work out well when I rejected him. 

Return to Friendship? Nah

I thought we could return to friendship, but that didn’t happen. He didn’t take me not liking him in that way too well.

I remember that when things didn’t go well for us, he got a new girl from tinder the following week who also happened to have gone to our high school and followed me on Instagram and Facebook. 

I thought she was beautiful, and I encouraged him to go for her and genuinely was rooting for them.

He tried so hard to make me jealous of her by constantly how wonderful she was and how she was saying and doing the right things, and I was just genuinely happy for them because I didn’t care for Mr. Peepee head. 

Reflecting, I never liked him, and I liked that we could joke with one another and that he liked me. You can say I liked feeling wanted, and he filled that. 

He and his girlfriend are still together, and she blocked me on all platforms for what? I don’t know. 

I hope he told her I found her beautiful once he told us who she was and was happy she was dealing with whatever mental illness he had because I wanted no parts. 

He had highs and lows, and I didn’t deserve those moments. So he lasted briefly, but though he lasted briefly, I considered him an option against the 6 line because

“he showed me more “love” than the 6 line ever did, which I told the 6 line about. I made real pros and cons list about them.”

GUYS, IF YOU NEED A PROS AND CONS LIST, RUN!!!! 

Our Standing Today

As for me and Mr. Pee pee head today, we later got into this argument in which I listened to him ( a rare thing I do for men honestly) and apologized.

We later got into this other argument strictly because I didn’t want to invite him to my birthday party since my birthdays, I have never asked men. 

I am precisely a girls girl for my birthday. So paragraphs later and all, we have no contact. His girlfriend blocked me after I told her congrats on graduating and happy birthday.

What’s funny, too, is that she always watched my story after they were together and always was the first one to see my account so the blocking surprised me. 

Listen, I had to keep checking my stories after I noticed the trend when they were dating. I was curious why I gained a new fan. I don’t have many people on Instragram so I know my usual view count.

My Grudge

I still hold a grudge about this situation because bitch I don’t know you like that, except for when I supported her in high school when she raised awareness for PCOS.

We never talked or even socialized much until she came into my friends and his life. 

When she got with a bitch with a last name that sounded like tinkle, she wanted to stalk my page, be the first to view my stories, then block me?

It’s like, what made that happen? 

I was/am so hurt cause what happened to women supporting women, you know!! As a woman, you should never hate me because of a MAN.

I just can’t stand that she did that over a MAN with that kind of last name. 

Personally, I wouldn’t want that last name, but that’s just me. 

Shady New Friendship

 The tea is hot for these people, actually. Remember the friend we had in common who had us in the group chat? She told me after we went no contact, and he’s “moved on” that he called me “that thing” when she brought me up in conversation. 

She stood up for me and said that he shouldn’t disrespect me like that and that she couldn’t be friends with someone who disrespects her friend (me). 

I would like to say after this situation, she’s still his friend and very close to his girlfriend. We will discuss this weird shady move when I get lost in my friendships. But till then, the chapter on Mr. Peepee’s intermission is closed. 

As for my other intermissions, it was a lot of shady men. One may have been a particular nationalist, and another was a specific supporter. OOO, another one of my intermissions, could squish a watermelon with his thighs. It was sexy to me at the time because thick thighs save lives *wink*

Lessons Learned

Overall, my experiences during my intermission has taught me two quick lessons. I am not here to teach, just here to testify. Take what resonates: 

1. DO NOT GO FOR THE GUY WHO ALWAYS WANTED YOU

• I say this because these guys will make up this big idea of you. Their pining will turn into a rage if they realize it was all for nothing. They wouldn’t know what to do once they finally get you and wouldn’t value how you genuinely deserve. You will be desired, but not in the way you deserve. 
• There will be lots of resentment, too, because they had to wait for you. You didn’t want them right away, and because of that, resentment builds up inside for not choosing them right away. 

2. CREATING A PROS AND CONS LIST IS A WARNING

• I have no explanation. It just makes sense. They gotta go if you need to list the good and the bad. Yes, some people have red flags to be wary of that you need to check in with yourself about but a whole list to see if you should stay? Nah, you have to go because something is definitely off. 
• I don’t mean you can’t list what’s wrong with the guy, but you shouldn’t compare them to decide if they’re the one. 

At the end of this chapter, I have come to realize that there’s more blocked trauma than I realized.

– Marie-Anne

Comment and let me know your thoughts!

Have you ever given the guy who’s always wanted you a chance? What was that experience like?