The Long Awaited Date

Welcome back, my wanderers,

Let's continue, shall we…

Well, it was time for the long-awaited date.

It was pouring rain outside, cloudy, and a bit chilly.

To my surprise, he wasn't silent that day; he was telling me about work, and we bought the movie tickets.

He told me his job gave him discounted AMC movie tickets, and he was buying them for himself.

No mentions of me, btw, nor mentions of how I will be getting mine. I had to buy it myself, making sure it was next to him.

The movie we were watching was Jumanji. (I now have war flashbacks whenever I see anything related to Jumanji.)

I dressed up in a sexy black dress and brought jeans just in case.

I felt so insecure in the black dress because it was so short. But I wore it anyway, you know.

I looked cute thinking back to it now, and my friend (whom he referred to as some girl) came along with my guy cousin as support.

I was on a mission to have my first kiss, too, so I was nervous as shit.

I ended up late because of the train and my CPT (colored people time), of course.

He arrived on time and waited for me.

Guys… I had butterflies walking into the theater without my friend because we tried not to make it obvious, and when I saw him, I said hi so coldly and made him hold my bag so I could take off my coat and stuff.

He was short as shit, 5’9 my ass.

Probably 5’8 or 5’7. He wore a cream trench coat, ripped jeans, and new shoes.

He would always brag to me about his name-brand sneaker collection, which he would return because they did not fit his small feet (lies).

I didn’t care for his sneaker obsession, actually, because I don’t care about sneakers really.

He also feels himself a lot in his outfits because he was allegedly a model, you know, but the fit was not giving.

I didn't get any compliments on how I looked, and we just walked in for our seats.

We sat next to each other, and the movie started.

First off, I wanna say I hated these specific theater seats for my fat body because why’d I feel like I’d get stuck?

When we sat down, I felt so uncomfy in the seats, and being next to him did not help.

You would think a theater in Manhattan would have nice seats.

Yeah, nope. In the theater, I put my hand on his lap, and I attempted sadly enough to hold his hands.

He refused to hold it the romantic way, with your fingers interlocking, so it was mainly my hands doing the holding.

I remember his hands feeling like sandpaper. It wasn't soft… at all. I will tell you that.

Then he put his arm around me and kissed me.

First, lemme tell you, this man sniffed me. 🙂

He told me I smelled like potatoes.

What tf does potato smell like? Please comment and let me know cause I’m still curious what that smells like.

I felt so insecure about that for a while, and then he kissed my forehead, which felt wet and gross, and then he went to kiss me on the lips. EEYUCK!

What did I do at this moment? Well, what a traumatized girl does, and I dissociated.

My first kiss, I dissociated so hard.

I can not tell you what it felt like because I wasn’t there for it.

After his lips moved away, I wanted to run out of my seat and tell my friend out of excitement, disgust, and fear.

Yes, I got the first kiss, but ew, I got my first kiss. He kissed me twice, and I just remember not liking it.

It did not feel special like I wanted a first kiss to feel.

The rest of the movie, I kept looking for my friend because the one thing we were on a mission for happened, and I didn't feel it.

I remember holding his beard and caressing it, and caressing his thighs the rest of the movie, in a loving way.

When the movie ended, I went to the bathroom and told my friend the potato line, and she smelled me and told me, "No, you don’t."

We talked about how I looked and how he looked, and even she was like, " He’s definitely not 5 '9.

After our bathroom session debrief and I changed into my jeans because I was self-conscious about my dress, we decided where to eat.

I suggested 5 guys, and he said I could get that, and he would get something else.

I want you guys to know that I love to eat whatever my friends are eating.

My friends can want to eat trash and I just want to be included in eating the same trash.

So my friends and I don’t get food from different places often.

So, because of this habit of mine, I said no to his idea.

I was also in my broke girl phase, so I wasn't trying to spend too much either.

He suggested Fridays cause he has coupons for there, and he then also mentioned McDonald's.

So I said excitedly, "omg, I know a McDonald's nearby inside Macy's on 34th."

I was truly excited to show him the secret McDonald's because he never knew of it.

As we were walking, there wasn't much conversation. It was just walking to get inside.

No door holding when we got to the Macys, and while we were on the escalator, he left me behind by walking ahead.

I am not one to walk up an escalator, so he left me, then came back for me when he saw I wasn’t coming.

When we got inside the McDonald's, he didn’t offer to buy me anything.

I ordered first, then he ordered. He ordered his meal, which I wish I could remember (trauma block), and he used so many coupons on it.

Again, I am not judging him for not having money, but I am judging him for making himself seem like he was that guy with money for name-brand sneakers and things.

As we ate, he smiled at some point, and this was the first time I’ve seen his smile, and I wanted to throw up.

I genuinely was disgusted by his smile, just so nasty.

This became the moment I realized that nice teeth and a nice smile are something I need in a partner.

While we were still there, I saw that his screen saver was KANYE!!!! Freaking Kayne, and we talked about why he believes he’s a musical genius, and then, we talked about the movie, and that was it.

I remember not wanting to eat too much for him to judge me, and I gave him my fries and was scared of biting into the sandwich wrong because I can’t be the fat ass, you know.

Then he asked me if I wanted dessert… The dessert in question?

A McFlurry! A McFlurry he had a coupon for!

I had to laugh internally because what the actual fuck? How did I get here?

Our date ended after I declined the amazing dessert, and we parted ways.

After the theater, there was no hand-holding. The compliments, none. Any hugs, none.

Just waved goodbye and went away. No walk to the train station either.

His mama needs a beating for not teaching him date etiquette.

Can’t say father cause obviously he ain't got one in his life that could teach him that.

I remember walking to the station to meet my friend, and I felt nothing special about the date.

She asked me how it was, and the only words that I could utter were… okay.

OKAY… the word to describe the beginning of my 20-year-old womanhood and dating life.

After our date, I checked (yes, me, not him) to see if he got home safely.

He didn’t ask me about being home safe or anything.

He told me he wasn’t expecting me to be so big and tall.

Guys, we’ve been on FaceTime for six months, and he didn't expect me to be big and tall!?!

Delusional!!! So we got into an argument about that.

After that, I decided to let him do the talking honestly.

Our texts were just him asking me about the day and if I ate.

I was no longer investing in whatever we were, especially after a date like that. I was getting entertained by this guy from high school, so I was good off of that.

But he didn’t want to let me go.

I then stated the obvious: he’s not interesting, he mainly asks the same questions, and he brought me to McDonald's on a first date.

I was trying to give him advice as I was saying goodbye, because I was like, "You shouldn't bring a girl to a fast food restaurant on a first date."

That’s not romantic at all, and I was just going on about what he could do better next time.

I asked him to just be friends, and he said okay, if I recall correctly.

We were fine being friends, but to him, being friends meant he still had contact with me.

At some point before things ended for sure, it was on a huge, bad note. I remember saying, "That’s why he’s short," along with all the mean things I felt inside about him.

He told me in turn to go stay with the children (my siblings) and wash dishes as a hit to my traditional Haitian culture.

Our ending is truly a blur for me, but I do know I went in on our last and final departure from each other.

I also know that when we tried ending things, he facetimed me so many times to the point I had to block him for the calls to stop.

We decided to be civil, and I wished him a happy birthday and a good life (you know, the usual 'I wish you well' sentence).

This was at the beginning of our COVID shutdown, and it was our final time ever conversing.

I became blocked by him on instagram, which I was fine with, and we went our own ways.

(Side note, he's the first man to ever block me omg.. I feel special and honored.)

Every time I thought about my experience with him, I wished him every bad energy/vibe on the planet.

I even saw him premiere in a show as a background character once, and had war flashbacks to us talking.

I was in a fight-or-flight state for the remainder of the episode I saw him in.

My brain has never suppressed so much in a moment; that is how bad it felt to be with and to remember him.

I have no one but myself to blame because I could’ve left and blocked him at the first signs of trouble, but I didn’t.

Me now, though, readers, I wish him better. I no longer wish him ill, even though it hurts so much to wish him true positive vibes in my prayers.

(Lowkey wants to wish bad on him and plot on his downfall because fuck you bitch. But I can't cause karma guys.)

But I am doing better by wishing karma deals with him and that his journey through life gets better.

There is still so much to this story that I wish I could write, but I can’t because our timeline has been blocked by my brain, because so many experiences would pop up, and I’d be like omg that happened!

But then it’d be insignificant to the plot.

Writing this about him was not easy at all; it was actually a lot of unblocking parts of my brain that had him locked out.

I had to pause so many times because it was hard to see that I let myself get hurt because I didn’t know my worth, and

I wanted to just be like everyone that usually gets attention for being beautiful. And I am not judging myself for not knowing better.

I can go on and on about our experience, but there’d be no point, as there’s more important things to unpack in my life.

As we close this door, I want to acknowledge that we brought out the absolute worst in each other, and I really can’t fault us for not knowing better. (wellll… more me than him cause he's a grown man btw)

In the end, lots of lessons came out of this, so I can say thanks for that traumatic experience and good-bye.

What lessons do you think I learned or should have learned?

Read on to find out what I digressed 😁

Sincerely,

Marie- Anne