Quarantine Boos

Hello, Hi Wanderers, hehe,

Ugh, it’s almost time for the favorite and life-changing chapter of my life!

Trigger Warning for this read....Sexual Content..

I will be honest, the previous chapters were just major fillers for the upcoming chapters.

You have to know a bit more info before my top favorite man comes in.

This was during the year I turned 21!! I know, yes, I subjected myself to the previous horrors of the 6 line at 20 years old, ugh!

But guys, when the quarantine was lifted, and outside was functioning a bit better,

I unfortunately was tapping into more sexual energy

Because during quarantine I met two people who yet again sexualized me and basically activated such a huge hyper sexualism that I haven’t experienced since I was young.

One of them, I wish I had a chapter on, gave me mixed signals, in the form of sexual identity.

I will use this moment to explain the best way I can. Cause.. Girl.. It’s confusing af.

Hmm.. this person we will address them as, because they said they were nonbinary, would get drunk and sext me.

To which I also did back because I don't know I was stupid tbh.

On top of sexting, they even asked for nudes at some point and tried saying that they weren’t like straight men who beg for nudes.

(This was, in fact, false; they were, in fact, like the straight men who beg.)

They would say they can’t send a nude back because it'd look weird for them to send one…

Yes.. I definitely ate up that excuse, but I also didn’t care to receive their nudes either.

They identified as being non-binary, bi sexual, and poly.

I was fine with their identity because I was in my open-minded exploration time now, in this era, which we both spoke about and validated each other on.

During a deep part of quarantine, they told me they might be asexual.

I validated and related to the question of their sexuality because sexual identity is tricky to understand sometimes.

However, they used that as a tactic to turn me down.

I didn’t catch on until it became a pattern. I love to find a good pattern as a neurodivergent.

So, to stop sexting me and seeing me, they would say, “I’m actually asexual now”.

Then they’d sext me and say I actually felt something for you and that it would lead to the idea of us being together for sexual things.

Then, when they weren’t in the mood, they’d say, " Sorry, I think I am asexual again.”

Cue the look into the invisible camera, for real.

This continued for a while. They certainly weren’t cute to me anymore because of the mixed signals and just the way they went about things.

Also, our FaceTime together was super awkward, and I noticed they were a bit balding.

Sigh foreshadowing????

When they messaged me again, they asked if they should delete my sexy photos, and I said it’s up to them, which now I do wish I had said yes, please.

Then the other man, during quarantine from a pen pal app called Bottled, which happened pre-meeting the sexual identity weaponizer, sent me grunt videos with his thick zinger in his hand.

It was really him who got me to untap bottled sexual energy.

I loved talking to him, though. HIS VOICE OMFFFFGGG!! The deep voice made me want to melt.

There was this line from one of my favorite rappers at the time, Sheff G, that stated “deep voice make the clit moist,” which described how I felt about this man.

He lived in the Netherlands, unfortunately.

He was so respectful about sending me his pics and videos.

Well, sort of, I gave in after he kept asking to send me some and just let him send it.

I was actually impressed the first time I saw it because I was like, " Wow, it’s not that ugly.”

I usually find these things (peewees) ugly, but this one was really nice-looking and seemed to be a great size.

He had a cat too, and we snapped every day, and he’d watch my stories and call me beautiful.

All the things I needed to hear in that locked-down year, honestly.

But then things quickly ended because I noticed something in our astrology on Snapchat, and I may have screenshotted it to show them, which he probably thought was me screenshotting their videos/photos, so they unfollowed me right after.

We lost contact that day.

It was the saddest day of my life. He introduced me to taking sexy photos, though.

I want to mention that younger me was told to never send nudes and sexy photos, but something about him made me want to send them.

I was heavily into taking those when he was talking to me.

In retrospect, this was definitely something that my mind has glorified because he was hot and had a good voice.

The reason this encounter is important is that sexual energy inspired me to have a lingerie-themed 21st.

I took so many sexy photos and was loving this side of me during that time, but at the same time, hating it because I did post them to get the eye of the guys I was talking to at the time.

Very pick me I knowwww!!!!! ​

Side note from 2026 me: tehehe hi it's meee.

Reading this, I want to say yes, I was 20, which is an adult, so why does it feel like I’m being a victim?

Because in a way I was, but not entirely.

I was old enough to know right and wrong, but naive and blinded by lust, want, and such a need for desire that I allowed the men to pressure me to send something that I should’ve felt more inclined to do on my own.

Not making excuses for my girly, but it does mess with your psyche a little to want these things hyperly and show yourself the way you think will satisfy men who kept asking for it.

Being in the body that I am in, on the apps, and just in general, the best way being taught to me at the time was that being sexual with the nudes, the sexy photos, the sex talk, and such is the way to receive the validation of want from the group that I am attracted to, which isn’t true by the way.

Yes, grown woman but very naive with a stunted brain that doesn’t know that she can set boundaries on how she is being perceived by men for love.

I still love her (20-year-old me) and forgive her, though, for not knowing any better.

That is my quick thought, which I may expand on, but I want to acknowledge the victim mindset while also holding space for the naivety I had.

I am inserting and speaking now from my 2026 self again. In 2023, I said the following:

“I wish I had major lessons to take away from the non-binary person and my nude pen pal, but I didn't. I do wish that I hadn’t sent spicy pics to the nonbinary person and allowed them to keep it for free.

I should’ve made them pay!!!!

There is a lesson after all, make 'em pay for the spicy pics and don’t send unless you truly feel safe with this person to do so.

I am no longer sending those ever again because if you wanna see me spicy, take me out and get the real deal.

Also, I just can see so many things going wrong, like what if it gets leaked or what if your phone is hacked, and it’s really just a lot of overthinking, so I won’t be doing that at all.

If you ever send spicy pics, it’s okay. (what girl?).

Just know you can sue if they use it as revenge against you, and make them delete them when it’s over, because it’s weird they’d still have it.

It’s up to your comfort level.

Remember, your body, your comfort, and your consent are all that matter when putting yourself out there in a sexual manner."

Now back to 2026.

I, in fact, do have lessons from this after all.

I know past me in 2023 found this to be silly, fun advice, but it is such a harmful way to acknowledge what happened and what I took away from those interactions.

What should’ve been said, and what I want to say, is honor that sense and compass you have of right and wrong.

I mentioned that I was taught nudes were bad, and even when the men were asking, that lesson taught to me young, was in my mind the whole time, but I ignored the compass because I wanted that male validation.

So really, honor your body as mentioned above, and honor your CONSENT, and don’t ever let the pressure of a man’s desire for you push you out of your comfort zone.

I want to point out that this advice was rooted in unhealed hurt and unspoken trauma in a way.

I mask my hurt with jokes when this isn’t a joking matter.

Pressured consent isn’t real consent because consent comes from a sane, thinking, sober, sound, and eager mind.

And if you are scared, I get it, trust me, the people pleaser in me kind of almost sent a pic a few months ago, which I did not, btw, but it felt icky and scary to say no and lose out on being with someone.

But in those scared moments where you fear saying no, remember that icky uncomfortable feeling you got before sending and honor it and just say no scared.

That’s such a key to releasing the people pleaser within you because your body is now going to recognize the icky pressure you felt before sending and not do what you were about to do and stand firm on it because it said no while scared.

Stand up for yourself even when you're scared, okay… even if it costs you the person you want.

There is better out there, and your body’s nervous system deserves it, without pressuring you to be uncomfortable.

Another thing, do not send nudes.

Don’t listen to what 2023 hurt me had to say.

Do not send it even if they paid lol.

The internet, our data, our photos, they are forever.

If you do send, send it safely. No shame if that is how you and your person communicate, but do it safely, please.

It is also true that if someone sends it out to others out of revenge, you can sue them.

And again, send if it was with proper unpressured and eager CONSENT.

Per usual, let me know your comments, maybe even a concern cause I too am concerned.

Peace out

Marie-Anne